Blog to follow!

Yesterday I made a blog about my juicing journey, I had started another blog and got a little confused with having two blogs/which one I posted in.

So, if you are looking to follow mine and Andrew’s juicing journey, here is the correct blog:




Yesterday I got home from work and Andrew and I sat down and talked. He mentioned he wanted to start juicing again, funny enough I had been thinking of the exact same thing that afternoon. There’s one catch to Andrew’s new adventure though, what that means is that we are starting a ten day journey where we will do nothing but juicing. Instead of writing an entire blog about this, here are some Q&A that might help you understand our new idea. Also, the entire came from the documentary “Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead” which can be found on Netflix. 🙂 

Q: Why are you doing this?

A: I am doing this because in the past two years, a lot has happened in my life to cause my body and mind trauma and weight gain. I have lost what seems like all the energy I once had and have found myself to be depressed. My eating habits were not the best, although not the worst either. I needed a drastic life changing opportunity and have been waiting for it to knock on my door, then I stopped waiting and made my own opportunity! 

Q: How are you feeling now, before starting this journey (overall health, body, mind)?

A: In the last two years, since my move to Ottawa, I have gone through traumatic events. Those traumatic events have caused me to gain weight (35+lbs), my anxiety has sky rocketed, I have become depressed, I break down once or twice a week and that all seems normal to me now, as it is “routine”. My mind doesn’t feel as sharp as it once did, causing me to lose a bit of confidence. My “sex drive” is completely gone. I am constantly sick; headaches, stomach aches, back aches, dizzy spells. These are only a few examples of how I have been living my life.

Q: What do you think you will feel like after the ten days?

A: Hungry. Ha ha, just kidding. I think after the first few days most feelings will still be there, I think I will have headaches and feel hungry/sleepy all the time as my body will need to get used to having the juice/water only. I think after the ten days, I am going to see a difference in terms of my energy levels, I think most of my body aches will be gone or leaving. I think I am going to be overall happy and proud of myself! 🙂 I also think that once the ten days are over and we start allowing ourselves to consume food in whole, we will also be more careful as to what we put in our body and the quantity.

Q: You mentioned just juicing, but you can have your coffee and orange juice in the morning, can’t you?

A: Nope. No coffee/tea, no prepared orange juice or juice of any kind. We will only be doing juicing and having water. No snack bars when we’re hungry, just apples/oranges that we can put in the juicer.

Q: Why aren’t you allowing yourself to eat an apple but you allow yourself to put it through the juicer? Isn’t it the same thing?

A: Some may think that it is. When you eat an apple as a whole your body needs to work at breaking it down, when you break it down yourself in form of juice, your body doesn’t work as hard because you’ve done the job for it, already.

Q: How much do you weigh today and how much do you hope to weigh at the end of this short journey?

A: Today I weigh 167.9lbs. I am not putting a number at the end of this journey as it is not a goal of mine. My goal is to overall feel better, feel empowered to be better. Besides, I don’t think a huge weight loss will happen in the first ten days, a few pounds maybe, but it’s what happens after the journey that is important.

Q: Don’t you work? How will you manage to make juice at work?

A: Yes, I work. In the mornings before I leave the house, I will make my juices for my time at work. I will bring a “magic bullet” at work as well allowing me to mix the juice I made well. 🙂


If anyone has any other questions, please feel free to ask me and I will post them in my next blog! 🙂 If you also want to start this journey with us, message me with any questions you may have! I hope you will follow our journey with us, be warned that I have no shame in posting my struggles and accomplishments along the way. We will also be posting what we put in our juices for meals/snacks. 


Today is the day…

Today is the day that I wake up in the morning and really do not want to get out of bed.

Today is the day that I will have to force myself to put a smile on.

Today is the day that while I will be getting ready and looking at myself in the mirror I will wonder.

Today is the day that I will think constantly.

Today is the day that I will be reminded that although you cannot please everyone, I was a failure in one person’s eyes.

Today is the day that I will wonder what I could have done differently.

Today is the day that I am reminded of all the times I have spent crying myself to sleep as a child, teenager and adult.

Today is the day that no matter what I do, or where I look, I am reminded that I am the cause for my mother’s life battle against severe depression.

Today is the day where I wonder how I may have deserved anything I have gone through.

Today is the day I wonder if I hadn’t put up a fuss to get my favorite cereal at the supermarket as a child, if things would be different.

Today is the day I worry that one day I will be like my mother; careless and selfish.

Today is the day that I remember all the times I watched my mother chase my sister and wonder if I was next.

Today is the day that I fight the urge to scream and cry.

Today is the day I am reminded that no matter how young I was or how hard I tried, it was my fault that I was born not breathing and had a near-death experience.

Today is my birth mother’s birthday.

Today is also the day that I will get out of bed bravely and tackle every task given to me.

Today is the day that I will remind myself that no matter how much of a failure I was in one person’s eyes, I was the darn best thing in everyone else’s.

Today is the day I remind myself that it wasn’t me. No one was good enough for her.

Today is the day that I remember what a strong, brave, beautiful woman I have become without my mother.

Today is the day that I kindly remind myself that when I do become a mother, I will be the best damn mother that child will ever have.

Today is the day that I remind myself I have something to be proud of, beneath all the tears and hurtful words that were said, I turned out ok; better yet, I turned out great.

Today is the day that I am reminded that I have been fighting for my life since the day I was born, since the first breath I took; and I’ve done a damn good job.

Today is the day that I feel bad, not for myself, but for my mother for not having fought harder to be in my life. Her amazing daughter.

Today is the day that I get a little bit stronger, because;

Today is my mothers birthday.

Extreme makeover weight gain edition

It gets worse before it gets better.

You just need motivation.

No one ever drowned in sweat.

Those are all messages that are meant to be inspirational. They are meant to make you get off the couch and go for that run you’ve been promising yourself you would do. Meant to make you feel good about yourself, make you feel as though you are capable.

But what happens when you hit that wall and nothing seems to feel better? What happens when you gain the weight and realize you’re no longer 16 and can take the weight off just as easily as you gained it. What happens when you are faced with life choices that are so hard that you forget just how easy it is to lose track of everything? 

This is me in February 2012.


Weighing in at a whopping 132 lbs.

Now this is me, last week, August 2013, 18 months later.


Weighing in at 165 lbs.

Yes. You read that right. I have gained 32 lbs in the last 18 months and I am completely ashamed of every single one of those pounds. 

I have blamed about half of those on the pregnancy and the abortion and the other half I just gave up caring and trying to find something to blame it on. The pounds literally kept adding up and I gave up caring until I stood in the mirror, naked, ready to go take my shower and dropped to my knees and cried hysterically for forty-five minutes.   

How did I let myself get this far? How have I let this get so out of hand? I don’t remember the last time I was able to stand naked in front of my boyfriend, let alone let him touch me in a sensual way. 

I need to find a new job, one that makes me feel good about myself.

I need to look into going back to school and making a career for myself.

I need to get a hair cut and finally start feeling good about myself again.

I want to be able to shop for lingerie and not feel the need to push them at the end of my closet or wear them with no lights on.

I want my boyfriend to see me and think to himself how lucky he is to have me.

I want to feel like me again.


… But where do I start? Why is the first step always the hardest one to make?



The most simple way to make her smile.

It doesn’t take a trip to the Bahamas, or a bouquet of flowers, or a box of chocolate or even a paid evening out.

Making your loved one smile is as easy as showing them every now and then that you love them and are thinking about them.

A simple “have a good day at work” note.

“Good morning beautiful”.

Coming home after a long day at work to find the dishes done.

Random kisses.

Candlelight supper.

“That dress looks stunning on you”.

Simple little words. Simple little actions. Sometimes, it’s all it takes. No matter how much you try not to, when you live together and see each other every day; you fall into a eat-work-sleep routine. Sometimes so much so that you cannot differentiate one day from another.

You may walk by a shop and see something that makes you smile and think of her, you may see her favorite fruit at the grocery store and smile at the thought of her excitement when she buys it. The point I’m making is, gentlemen, when you think of your lady; tell her. I don’t mean in a creepy, “I’ll send you 300 texts a day saying I’m thinking of you” way. I mean let her know that she is loved, that she is cherished, that she is thought of and appreciated.

Simple words, simple actions; it’s all it takes to make her smile.


Marriage isn’t like going out for ice cream.


By reading someone else’s post I was inspired to talk about a subject that means a lot to me; marriage. Before reading any further, please know that this is my blog and I write things as I see it, so I apologize if it is hurtful in any way.


Marriage and the true meaning behind “for better or for worse, through sickness and in health” seems to have lots its meaning throughout the years (at least, for most people). If you look at years and years ago, women were paired and “forced” to marry a man before they even learnt what their favorite meal was. The rate of divorce back then was very minimal; when couples fought they worked through it and moved on. When you look at couples now, not only do they get to choose who they marry, but they can’t seem to make it last! For example….


Kim Kardashian & Kris Humphries; married for 72 days.

Britney Spears & Jason Alexander; married for 55 hours.

Carmen Electra & Dennis Rodman; married for 9 days.

Mario Lopez & Ali Landry; married for 18 days.

Nicolas Cage & Lisa Presley; married for 107 days.

Renee Zellweger & Kenny Chesney; married for 225 days.

Pamela Anderson & Kid Rock; married for 122 days.

Where has it changed, why has people decided to “jump the gun” and get married so quickly? When you marry someone it can be hard, no matter how much you love and care for each other, you will be faced with tough challenges. Challenges are made to face together, you don’t get divorced just because your husband didn’t like the way you make your spaghetti sauce, or because he forgot to put the toilet seat down…

I was sitting in the bus last week on my way to work, while I overheard this conversation between two girls;

Girl #1; “X” and I have been together for 2 years now, if he doesn’t propose soon I’m going to start looking elsewhere.

Girl #2; Yeah, seriously, why is he making you wait? Don’t put up with that crap! He needs to keep you interested.

Girl #1; Yeah, (other friend’s name) just got engaged, her fiancé proposed to her by putting her ring in her drink. I hope “X” will be more original than that!

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; obviously these girls didn’t understand a thing about being engaged- or married. They even at one point mentioned how many “likes” they would get from their Facebook update- seriously? If you feel as though he should propose soon to “keep you interested” then you are obviously in the wrong relationship. I’ve never been married myself, but I am smart enough to know and see the true beauty and meaning behind marriage.

Being a girl myself, I dreamt of the day that I see my loved one drop on one knee and ask me to be his, for life. I dreamt of many ways of how it could happen; the cliché sign in the back of an air plane, where we first met, at my favorite restaurant, in front of my friends/family, etc… No way could ever be “the wrong way to propose”.  

(This post is for my amazing boyfriend who has been my rock and my everything. Who has believed in me when I couldn’t find the strength to believe in myself. Who has never doubted my capabilities and who reminds me often that a dream can never be impossible to reach even if it seems that way. Someone who has held my hand when I needed it most and who has never given up on me even when I let my emotions get the best of me. To the man who I go to bed every night thinking I couldn’t love him more, but wake up feeling more and more in love with every single day! I love you, sweetheart!)


Four adults, six cats and a dog.

Yes, you read that right.

In the last few posts I mentioned that we were moving into our brand new condo next week. Well, we were informed that we can move our belongings in there, however we cannot physically live there as of yet. The city needs to give a permit for each and every floor, basically giving the “ok, this floor can move in” and we are 3 floors higher than what it has permitted so far. So in other words, we have to wait for floor #6, then floor #7 and then ours, on the 8th. 

So, that leaves us with the in-laws. My boyfriends parents are separated and have been for many many years, but they are, at this time, living together. I find that to be amazing, two people who have not been together for over 20 years could live in the same house.. Should my dad and my real mother even have to be in the same room for five minutes, I think one of  them would not be coming out…

His parents combined have 5 cats. We have one cat and a dog! 

Would make a good reality show! ha ha!

However, in the middle of August we get to go to my hometown and see my family for a much needed week and a half vacation! 🙂


.. On a side note, I apologize for the lack of posts and not having time to read anyone else’s.. Between the packing, figuring everything out, working my pretty little butt off and taking/finding time for myself to relax, I have not had a lot of time to spend on here. I will make it up to my followers and the blogs I follow, as I enjoy reading your blogs! 🙂

I hope everyone is having a great summer!


How you know you found the one.


Andrew (formally referred to as John) and I have gone through more things in our 18 months together than some people do in 25 years of marriage.

We’ve had our fights.

We’ve had our rough spots.

We’ve had our amazing times together.

We’ve shared laughs.

We’ve shared tears.

We have gone through numerous things early on in our relationship that most couples would never survive. We’ve suffered job loss, pregnancy, moving to a different province together, abortion…

Every time life throws something our way we take it, deal with it as a couple and then we look back and feel stronger together than ever.

I have thrown curve balls at him, told him I want to eventually -not only adopt- but possibly adopt from abroad, and instead of running away like everyone else probably would, he stood there, thought about it and pictures his life with the addition of a beautiful child we would both love.

He has seen me through my beauty, my tears, my heartache, my depression, my anxiety, my smiles, my laughter, my love, my worry, my way to kick into “mother gear” and he has taken it all in and has done nothing but love me and cherish me more.

I truly believe I have found my soul mate, best friend and my lifetime partner!

(no, we are not!)


It does not matter how old you are, how old you have your first child, how old you are when you get married.. Age is only a number.

Can a couple keep their connection without sex?

If two people have a strong sexual confection- as well as emotional- and that connection changes due to trauma, how do you get it back?
You have a relationship that starts out incredibly fun, you do things together, make each other laugh, find yourselves thinking about the other when they’re not around. The first year in a relationship is always the most “fun”, but not necessarily the best. It shapes your future together- should there be one.
If something happens, something traumatic and things change; your love for each other is still there, the physical attraction as well, but the sex life is gone; vanished. A day goes by, that turns into a week, which turns into a month, which turns into almost a year.. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had sex in the past year, but the amount times can pretty much be counted on my two hands.
We’ve had crappy living situations and the fear of getting pregnant is always above our heads, since the abortion.
How do we get passed that?
When we make love it screams with passion.
So why can we not just start all over again?

The love is there.
The passion is there.
The physical attraction is there.
How do we shake the fear?