How one decision can change your life..

I’m starting this blog for the intent to say what is on my mind and how I feel about my everyday life. You may not agree with everything (or anything) I say, but keep in mind I’m doing this for me. : )

To start off, I will be changing the name of my loved ones to keep their identity hidden. I’ve chosen the name “StolenIdentity” because during this past year I have gone through things that have changed the person I once was. I will write about my struggles, my happiness, my failures, my success, I will share just about anything without holding back. I hope I won’t bore any of you ; ).

About 20 months ago I was living a pretty normal life and had just started a new job; things were looking promising. My boyfriend and I, at the time, had been dating for a little over 8 months. Things were great in the beginning, we liked the same things and shared a lot of the same views and of course we were falling head over heels for each other. He was in the army and towards the end of the year he went away for his course. Things were good at first but things quickly changed, he became very rude and insulting towards me and he became controlling. At first I didn’t think anything of it, I thought to myself that perhaps it was just his way of coping for the hard work they did in training during his course. I would get invited to evenings with my new coworkers but I found myself declining most of the invites because of his controlling ways.

During the holidays my boyfriend (who I will refer to as Chase) came home for a few weeks to visit. During his entire visit all we did was fight, when he returned to his training I felt relieved; that’s when I knew our relationship was in trouble. After the holidays were over my supervisor (John, who is only a few years older than me) had not returned to work due to sickness and I soon began to bring him food at home. John and I started talking a lot and when he felt better we started hanging out. It wasn’t long before I realized that Chase wasn’t the one I was supposed to be in a relationship with, so we broke it off and not long after I began dating John. I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, I had never dated someone so soon after breaking up with someone.. But I couldn’t help myself, John was everything I was looking for in a partner and he was the nicest person I had ever met.

Four months later we decided to move back to the province he was from, it was a big decision but both being crazy about each other we couldn’t see it happening any other way. Four days after moving to the new province and knowing no one other than John, I found out we were pregnant. The news came as a shock for me, my entire life I had waited for that moment of happiness when I found out I would be a mother, but I didn’t want it like this. We had just moved, I didn’t have a job yet, I hadn’t even known his parents for more than a week! It was all incredible bad timing and it was too early in our relationship. We had an abortion ten days later, which came as a surprise to all of my loved ones as I’ve always been against abortions. The months that followed my abortion, I became a different person. I started gaining weight, I was often emotional and slept all day. It took me five months before I felt well enough to start working again and I found a job pretty quickly.

Since then, I have gone back and forth with my thoughts. I often think of what life would be like had I decided not to have the abortion but I know in my heart I made the right decision. I’ve had struggles with my emotions, and John and I struggled keeping our intimate life alive but in the end we’ve made it through everything and if there’s one thing I know for sure is that I found my soul mate. I often say I don’t like who I’ve become, that I feel as though someone took over my body and mind. But perhaps all of this have been a blessing in disguise, I do strongly believe that in order to truly be happy you must first go through tough things in life. John and I have gone through and made it through a lot just in this past year and a half, but I know that it’s only a stepping stone into the rest of our lives together.

p.s welcome to my blog/life. : )

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