Today is the day that I wake up in the morning and really do not want to get out of bed.
Today is the day that I will have to force myself to put a smile on.
Today is the day that while I will be getting ready and looking at myself in the mirror I will wonder.
Today is the day that I will think constantly.
Today is the day that I will be reminded that although you cannot please everyone, I was a failure in one person’s eyes.
Today is the day that I will wonder what I could have done differently.
Today is the day that I am reminded of all the times I have spent crying myself to sleep as a child, teenager and adult.
Today is the day that no matter what I do, or where I look, I am reminded that I am the cause for my mother’s life battle against severe depression.
Today is the day where I wonder how I may have deserved anything I have gone through.
Today is the day I wonder if I hadn’t put up a fuss to get my favorite cereal at the supermarket as a child, if things would be different.
Today is the day I worry that one day I will be like my mother; careless and selfish.
Today is the day that I remember all the times I watched my mother chase my sister and wonder if I was next.
Today is the day that I fight the urge to scream and cry.
Today is the day I am reminded that no matter how young I was or how hard I tried, it was my fault that I was born not breathing and had a near-death experience.
Today is my birth mother’s birthday.
Today is also the day that I will get out of bed bravely and tackle every task given to me.
Today is the day that I will remind myself that no matter how much of a failure I was in one person’s eyes, I was the darn best thing in everyone else’s.
Today is the day I remind myself that it wasn’t me. No one was good enough for her.
Today is the day that I remember what a strong, brave, beautiful woman I have become without my mother.
Today is the day that I kindly remind myself that when I do become a mother, I will be the best damn mother that child will ever have.
Today is the day that I remind myself I have something to be proud of, beneath all the tears and hurtful words that were said, I turned out ok; better yet, I turned out great.
Today is the day that I am reminded that I have been fighting for my life since the day I was born, since the first breath I took; and I’ve done a damn good job.
Today is the day that I feel bad, not for myself, but for my mother for not having fought harder to be in my life. Her amazing daughter.
Today is the day that I get a little bit stronger, because;
Today is my mothers birthday.